On the 10th of November 2022, I was organizing my drive on my computer, when I came across a photograph of me running a workshop for The European Leadership Academy, a program based on gender equality and personal development for 30 incredibly talented young women from every country in Europe. I remembered how much I loved working on this project. But as I looked at my face that looked like I’d swallowed all the air from a gigantic balloon, my heart sank. Maybe I should just double check this. I searched online and found a not so flattering photo on the Singularity University Faculty Site. I remember the photographers being professional…
As a 53-year-old proud father of 3 incredibly strong and independent women, an entrepreneur for the last 2 decades and a mentor for over 150 startups, I realized that I had once again let myself go.
In these last 2 decades, my focus had been on business and developing my coaching skills to help myself help others. In the process, I had neglected the one thing that was most important to me. My self-esteem. My ability to look in the mirror and love that figure standing in front of me.
That day, I decided to change, but forever. To go into a sort of incognito mode and reemerge unrecognizable. I would have to lose a lot of weight in a way that would be sustainable. That would weather travel, holidays, and meals.
As I searched online, my nephew pointed me to the concept of the phoenix, and I was instantly captivated. So much so that two days later, I ended up tattooing it on my arm – a sort of branding for life that would remind me of my lifelong commitment to myself. Every time I looked in the mirror, I would be reminded of what I was doing, why I was doing it and more importantly, whom I was doing it for – me.
I’d been chubby all my life. I weighed nearly 90 kilos and when I looked up my ideal weight, with reference to my height and age, it gave me the harrowing number of 65kgs/143lbs. As I tried to remember the last time I weighed that much, I was forced to go back to my teen years and somehow it just seemed like a lifetime ago – it was, over 40 years ago.
Losing 25 kilos may seem daunting but the hardest part was visualizing myself in the future, with abs. I had literally never seen them and put it down to genetics, lack of weight training in the gym for hours on end and a handful of other excuses – or lack of knowledge.
Visualizing the future became essential. The more we see it, the more we believe it. It’s not wishful thinking as it needs to be accompanied by action. As we face challenges throughout our journey, that visualization will keep us accountable. Much like our North Star, or as what we refer to at the Singularity University as our Massive Transformative Purpose.
Tony Robbins refers to this as the priming routine, whereby you take time to adjust your thoughts and emotions so that you can live your life in a peak state. For me, it was about honing in on my future self. But how?
The exercise was to visualize myself in the state I desired, but I had to go deep to the point where I tapped into the emotions, smells, sounds associated with that vision of my future self. I wrote a diary entry in the present tense 3, 6, and 12 months off. What I noticed was that the further I went in time, the blurrier everything got and that seemed like a great way for setting myself up for failure. So, I really focused on the 3- and 6-month milestone.
My 90-day goal read something like this:
It is September 17th, 2023, and I have 65 kg with 10% fat and corresponding muscle and BMI. I am ready to go to the US for a conference and I’m going to be in the pool in the mornings and pumped up in the hotel gym (edit: I never made it to the gym – I didn’t have to).
I look in the mirror and I’m proud of myself. I don’t have to adjust my swimming trunks in the pool to minimize the love handles. My posture is great – back straight and I’m smiling, always, no longer having to hide my man boobs.
At 53 I have been able to do something I never thought possible before. I have never been like this in my life . I now Know that the projects that I have can exceed my wildest expectations because I’m committed and any time I feel self-doubt, I just look in the mirror.
I’m glad I tattooed the phoenix on my left arm. It’s the rebirth. I am the phoenix, rising from the ashes of my past.
It is all about self-esteem, courageous authenticity and self belief. I am excellent at creating concepts from ideation to product but then, when the time comes to showcase, market and sell, the doubt creeps in. Fear of failing. I lost part of my mojo and I am hear to reclaim it.
It is so much easier to dream without commitment, without exposing yourself to the doubters, critics and haters. But I’m tired of seeing the finish line without crossing it. So close, yet so far, will be a thing of the past.
Succeeding at this will empower me to do anything I put my mind to. The more my family says in the most loving of ways, that I’m fine the way I am, the more I know that they have the same doubts I projected to them. This is what my change will be.
I nearly edited some of it – my internal doubt still at play. But I’m glad I didn’t. After all, I am the phoenix…
You must be wondering what my data looked like on the 17th of September 2023?
Am I perfect? No. Did I want to be perfect? No. Am I proud of myself? Fuck yeah! Do I look happy? Yep, cause I am.
Did I do it on my own? No. Neither should you.
